Frustrated!!!

I just don’t feel okay at the moment. I am angry for some reason and I’m angry at certain people within our society in the modern World. There are many things that should be said or done which are just being ignored.

For example many people just talk about having a night out everyday of the week till the weekend finally arrives for them. Then they complain about not having money or having a hangover. I do not think many people stop and take time to reflect on their life and their actions. Many do not even stop to think about people who have died until someone close to them dies and that is when they remember life is not about partying 24/7.

Many forget to realise that they should have some shame and not just be half naked in town every night waiting for some guy to pull them. Of course you are going to be pulled and used if you are most nights looking desperate. Be subtle.

Life is short and we are all on a train and have to get off on our own stops. No one will help us getting off and we have to do it alone. It is best we make memories that are good and involves our families or someone we are going to have a future with for life. Time is our biggest enemy and especially for girls who do all that posing half naked at clubs or even in the day. You may think your youth and beauty will last forever but if partying is all you do then you won’t have anyone who loves you when you get past 40+.

You have a better life if you are using your heart to build relationships and not your body. Guys are not any better either because they play around with girls and then they are alone in their old age because they have no wife and no kids. Some despise their parents because they don’t let them do what they want but life is a funny. Thing is that when some will end up alone in their old age with their parents dead they will deeply regret not listening to them…this includes boys and girls.

I listened to my parents in time and I did something about my life and set myself on the right path!

A Music Single From My Heart – “I can’t see your eyes”

I can’t see your eyes,

Tell me why I can’t see your eyes.

Tell me what to do,

Please tell me what to do.

 

You can…

Just give me a call,

Just come online,

Just give me your time.

 

I can talk if you want,

I can stop if you want,

I can look if you want.

 

I can’t see your eyes,

Tell me why I can’t see your eyes.

Tell me what to do,

Just tell me what to do.

Why you need good friends

Close male friendships are under the microscope like never before, and according to new research they’re closer than ever.

Are you in a bromance? If you don’t know what that means, it’s a caring, sharing, let-it-all-out relationship – with another man.

These close male bonds are entirely non-sexual and really just male equivalents of the close female friendships many women seem to have.

According to a new study, they’re on the rise. Research for social networking site Badoo has found that over half of British men are currently in a close platonic relationship with another man, or have been in the past.

That may be partly due to the sudden popularity of male best friends in film and TV drama. According to the study, Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson top the men’s list of favourite bromances.

So what do men get from such close bonds with other men, and why do we seem to need it so much now? MSN Him investigates.

Male and female friendships
Male friendships aren’t meant to be like that, of course. The joke has it that when women get together with friends they talk about themselves, their relationships and their lives, and when men get together with friends they talk about football.

It’s a cliché, but it contains a nugget of truth. Research published in the Personal Relationships journal a few years ago found that men’s friendships tend to be less intimate than women’s. Women talked more about themselves and shared more personal information, while men tended to distance themselves from matters of the heart and kept shows of emotion to a minimum.

And there’s more. In his recent book, Lonely At The Top: The High Costs Of Men’s Success, psychologist Thomas Joiner draws upon scientific research to show that manly pursuits of power, status and money bring rewards but at the cost of intimate friendships.

Bromance in the media
If men don’t traditionally have such emotionally close friendships, where on Earth has the phenomenon of bromance sprung from?

Partly, of course, it’s a media construction. There’s the aforementioned Holmes and Watson (pictured above). Then there’s Butch and Sundance, Joey and Chandler from Friends, Gavin and Smithy from Gavin and Stacey, and the inseparable Ant and Dec.

The quest for a male ‘bestie’ (best friend) and male bonding has become a Hollywood staple. The film I Love You, Man follows Paul Rudd on his quest to find a best man. Sideways was a male bonding movie with a side order of wine and women.

We could go on, but suffice to say there’s a lot of it about. And though Hollywood may have pushed it up the agenda, filmmakers do tend to identify a social phenomenon and then make films about it rather than inventing one from scratch.

So the question remains: why are men cultivating more intimate friendships now?

Delayed responsibility
According to Dr Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland, a study of modern male friendship, it might partly be down to the fact that men are getting married and having kids later in life. By putting off big responsibilities, we’ve more time to develop close male friendships.

That’s backed up by the Badoo research, which found that 28% of single men are currently ensconced in an intimate, platonic same-sex friendship, but just 10% of married men are.

And then there’s the possibility that men need an intimate confidante more than ever in an increasingly uncertain, insecure world.

The advantages
So the rise of these intimate friendships could be a good thing. It could be that men are latching onto something that women inherently know: having someone to confide in of the same gender, and who looks at the world in the same way you do, may help shelter your mental wellbeing from the swirling storms of recession, insecurity and relationship problems.

And apparently, having a close best friend can also just be really good fun. The Badoo research found that a quarter of men admitted to having “the most fun they have with anyone” with a close friend of the same sex.

That’s not too surprising. It’s not always true, but it’s likely that most men enjoy the things men tend to like, whether that’s sports, rebuilding an engine or Belgian beer, more with a mate than with a partner.

And it could be that bromance is just a more intense version of what men have always had. Some experts think that, even before the term was invented, many men had more intimate friendships than perhaps anyone thought. Sociologist Scott Swain invented the term “closeness in doing”, which means that men bond over the things they do together, whether that’s going for a drink, watching sport or trekking through the hills, while women bond over just being together.

Men like doing these things, and they like doing them even more with a trusted, close friend. In other words, men do share – they just share differently to women. They share their passions and they bond, take solace and offer comfort and feel better about themselves in doing so.

Friendly advice
Whether you think bromance is a new phenomenon or simply a media-driven extension of something that was always there, it’s surely true that close male friendships are not something to shy away from.

If more men are enjoying each other’s company and feeling able to unburden themselves of their fears and hopes at the same time, so much the better.

You might call it bromance, or you might just call it having a really good mate.

Male aphrodisiacs and stimulants: know the facts

We’ve all seen them advertised. Here, we uncover the realities behind herbal aphrodisiacs.

Most men know the drill – whether it’s lots of spam emails offering to extend your performance or a poster in the pub toilets promising a guaranteed erection, there is a huge variety of aphrodisiacs and stimulants vying for your attention.

But do they actually work? More importantly, are they even safe? MSN Him takes a closer look at this lucrative industry.

What do these products claim to resolve?
The sultry blonde smouldering on the cover of a pamphlet advertising a sex stimulant reflects the kind of provocative advertising used for male aphrodisiac pills and potions.

“The guys I have on set always use it – as it guarantees they are big, hard and ready” reads the blurb, which promises to turn the onlooker into a rampant sex machine no woman could complain about. Most of us are familiar with these types of sell.

But it’s not just top-shelf magazines that are promoting wares that play on the trademarked name Viagra or use words like Man and Maximus in their titles to suggest virility – it seems it’s not even safe to have a tinkle without being urged to buy a blue pill as a booster.

Do these sexual stimulants work?
There’s a whole host of products on offer in vending machines in pubs, with some claiming they are ‘scientifically tested’ and as safe as can be. So how true are these claims of efficacy and safety?

Dr Petra Boynton, social psychologist at University College London, says the general belief that men should always be ready for sex plays a big part in the marketing of such pills.

“There’s that stereotype that men always want sex and with that comes the pressure that they have to be able to get and keep an erection,” says Boynton. “A lot of the anxieties that men talk about are that they can’t perform in the way they are led to believe they should be doing.”

Why men rarely talk about stimulants and performance-enhancers
It’s fair to say that male performance anxiety is very real and concerning for any sufferer. As a result, we’re often easily embarrassed about sexual issues and are more likely to buy products on the web or through magazine ads, rather than seeking professional help. It can seem like the best way of preserving our dignity and self-esteem. But does that make men more vulnerable to some potentially untried and untested claims?

Dr Boynton believes that such pill promoters are exploiting men’s anxieties and offer little or no proof that they work. Equally worrying are the possible side effects and health issues associated with using such untested drugs.

“A problem for men is that if you are anxious about your performance – either due to erection issues or premature ejaculation – where do you actually go? If you go online, you can easily come across sites that will give you incorrect information, or perhaps try selling dodgy products or at best proven products in an unethical way.”

What are the dangers?
Some companies claim to offer a mixture of substances said to tackle erectile problems or help give men an ‘inflatory’ rise. But Dr Boynton reveals that apart from some well-known ingredients such as ginseng and ginger, l-arginine, magnesium stearate and silicon dioxide (better known as salt) there may also be present unknown stimulants or generic versions of Viagra.

“They can interact with alcohol/recreational drugs and also you don’t really know what you’re taking or the levels. I’ve heard stories of guys buying them off blokes down the pub – literally just purchasing capsules and taking them.

“L-arginine for instance is used in the treatment of hypertension, so if you do have any issues there it wouldn’t be wise to take it without seeing a doc first for a full MOT. Most of these ‘herbal’ products are either placebo at best or at worst contain generic Viagra or similar, so can be very dangerous for people with high blood pressure, diabetes, heart conditions, etc.”

Are these stimulants legal?
Dr James Moffatt, pharmacologist at St George’s, University of London, describes how companies are able to sell these products even when they haven’t been put through rigorous trials.

“They are probably using lots of subtle loopholes. I mean, what’s the difference between a handful of parsley and a handful of parsley that claims to cure erectile dysfunction? They can get away with saying their ingredients are a food and there’s also a lot of caffeine in these pills, which energy drinks also contain. Caffeine makes the user feel the drug is ‘kicking in’ and psychologically believe they are working. But unless these companies break the law, it seems like nobody cares what they do. [It] is basically an unregulated market.”

Embarrassment and exploitation
As guys aren’t generally known for opening up about their love lives and problems associated with sex, both Dr Boynton and Dr Moffatt believe many men will prefer to go online to find a fast remedy and buy products bypassing professional advice.

“The issue of men’s sex problems is seen as a bit of a joke, or they’re not that serious and nobody wants to talk about it,” says Dr Boynton. “So this means we are struggling to collate a firm database on what men are taking and how many adverse reactions there are.”

Dr Moffatt adds that there is certainly the potential for the erectile dysfunction market to be exploited. “If men buy something and it doesn’t work, they just throw it away,” says Dr Moffatt. “They probably won’t complain, let alone sue. Until they are seen to do actual harm, it’s unlikely any action will be taken.”

What this means is that an industry of opportunists trading on men’s fears and anxieties revolving around sexual performance is raking in money. One Australian company was hauled over the coals by UK regulatory body the Advertising Standards Authority in February 2009 for an “offensive” poster. The company argued that only by directly confronting a reluctant audience could they get their message across but the ASA agreed with complainants that the ad had crossed the line. Dr Boynton contributed to a BBC Watchdog programme about the company.

“The company ran a helpline and, as well as calling men ‘losers’ if they didn’t buy their products, they would also tell married guys that their wives would leave them for other men if they couldn’t get an erection. They were totally unethical and put untold pressure on men to buy their pills.”

John Tomlinson, director at the Men‘s Sexual Health Clinic in Winchester, is also aware of the firm, which he claims charged hefty fees for their wares.

“I had one patient who was 20 years old and suffered from premature ejaculation. He paid £600 upfront and what they gave him didn’t work,” he claims. “Eventually after a while he sued them. It’s a big problem for men in the middle-east and Asia who are constantly being exploited by these unscrupulous companies.”

Health dangers
Presently it’s difficult to know just how many men have suffered physical problems due to the anonymity of obtaining such products. “It’s possible that some men might have experienced problems and then not confessed to their doctors that they’ve been taking these pills,” says Dr Moffatt.

“By and large they are biologically harmless, but some of the stuff sold as ‘herbal Viagra’ often contains random amounts of generic Viagra made by someone who isn’t regulated, and that is illegal. Now, this can be dangerous because the taker doesn’t know what the dosage is and could take too much of it. The FDA put a warning out on this a couple of years ago.”

Genuine help and information
“Most men don’t have an actual physical problem – they just think they have a problem,” says Dr Boynton. “It might be that they just desire a stronger erection or are anxious about a new relationship or functioning due to a disappointing experience – so they end up taking clinical medication for a non-medical problem.”

The emphasis being that men should learn that it’s perfectly normal to feel anxious about performing with a new partner and equally – unless there is a consistent issue with getting an erection – most guys shouldn’t worry about it unduly.

“For men who believe they may have a genuine psychological or physical problem their first port of call should be their GP, who can assess the situation clinically and prescribe the right kind of treatment, be it medication (registered and monitored for side effects) or psychological help in the form of therapy that may be available free on the NHS.”

What’s in a man’s handshake?

As events at Old Trafford at the weekend showed, handshakes are important. The only question is, why?

If you’ve been on Mars for the last few days you may have missed the fact that Liverpool striker Luis Suarez failed to shake the hand of Manchester United defender Patrice Evra before Saturday’s game at Old Trafford.

To say Suarez’s refusal to clasp hands with the man he was found guilty of racially abusing in a previous encounter caused a bit of a fuss is something of an understatement. United manager Sir Alex Ferguson called Suarez a “disgrace”, while Liverpool counterpart Kenny Dalglish seethed with indignation during a post-match interview in front of the cameras. Both Suarez and Dalglish later apologised.

Away from the footballing ramifications, what the incident demonstrates is just how powerful a statement a handshake – or lack of one – can be. International agreements are finalised by a coming together of hands, but international incidents are caused by one hand’s untimely withdrawal.

So why the significance, and just what is in a man’s handshake? Here’s all you need to know – as explained by the experts.

The history of the handshake

Nobody’s quite sure when – or why – humans started to shake hands as a greeting or as a way of cementing a relationship. Some experts have speculated that, in medieval times, approaching another man with an outstretched arm and open palm was a way of showing that you came in peace, without a weapon to hand.

Others have argued that certain primates use open hand gestures that look like the precursors of a handshake. A dominant male will offer an open hand to calm a stressed or anxious subordinate, for example.

Whatever the precise origin, handshakes seem to have become popular in Britain in the 1500s. Today, research has discovered that the average person shakes hands nearly 15,000 times in his life, and that men shake hands nearly three times as much as women.

Some men fear the handshake

A handshake seems a simple enough act, but the same research found that it is a gesture (as the Suarez affair shows) fraught with significance. The study, from 2010, found that up to 70% of us admit to having had crises of confidence when it comes to performing the act of shaking hands.

That may be partly due to not knowing whether the occasion warrants a handshake or not, but it’s also partly because your handshake style says so much about you.

According to Professor Geoffrey Beattie, a psychologist at the University of Manchester, “the human handshake is one of the most crucial elements of impression formation and is used as a source of information for making a judgment about another person. A handshake reveals aspects of the personality of the person giving it – for example, a soft handshake can indicate insecurity, whilst a quick-to-let-go handshake can suggest arrogance.”

John F Kennedy knew how important a handshake is. The former US president commissioned a study to find the most effective handshake for a politician, which resulted in his signature double handshake – the left hand cupped under the clasped right. We can assume that this unique shake conferred everything an aspiring president wanted to convey: authority, honesty and trustworthiness.

The non-handshake

It’s because offering your hand confers so much positive meaning that not offering it has become a powerful symbol of disdain.

Effectively, Suarez was telling Evra how little he thought about his protestations of honesty, as well as refusing to calm any concerns Evra might have had about the meeting and sending a very public message that he was not party to any of the attempts at reconciliation the two clubs had been attempting in the buildup to the game.

In other words, he was refusing to put the pair’s race row behind him. Unfortunately for him, public sympathy was with Evra, and the gesture backfired.

Wayne Bridge would not put an alleged affair between his former fiancée and John Terry behind him either, refusing to shake Terry’s hand before a match between Manchester City and Chelsea in 2010.

And for entirely different reasons French president Nicolas Sarkozy refused the proffered hand of David Cameron at a European summit in December. Sarkozy was angry at the British prime minister and showed it in the most public way he could. His non-handshake said: I like you so little that I’m prepared to ignore the normal conventions of political life to make sure you know it.

It even happened to President Obama, perhaps the most powerful man in the world. In 2009, during a visit to Moscow, he was introduced to a line of Russian politicians, every one of whom refused his offered handshake.

Is refusing a handshake a good tactic? Your view may depend on where your sympathies lie in each case, but it certainly seems to be a risky one. Suarez has been roundly condemned, and while the concerted effort to humiliate Obama made him look a bit silly, his tormentors looked petty and vindictive.

How to shake on it

What is clear is that shaking or refusing to shake hands makes a powerful statement. It can mark the start of a relationship, the end to hostilities, or exactly the opposite. That’s why handshakes are so vital to the smooth running of the world of men.

So next time you move to shake someone’s hand remember its significance, but don’t be nervous. The rules of a good handshake are simple. Have a dry hand, use a complete grip (don’t just brush fingers), and be firm but not too firm.

Then, says Professor Beattie, “approximately three shakes, with a medium level of vigour, held for no longer than two to three seconds, with eye contact kept throughout and a good natural smile… make up the basic constituent parts for the perfect handshake.”

So shake confidently and shake well. Oh, and there’s one more rule. If the Suarez incident has taught us anything at all it’s that, on pretty much any occasion, and whether you like the person or not, you really should shake.

How many friends does a man need?

Celebrity footballer David Beckham says he has just three close friends. Do men need any more than that?

David Beckham is one of the most famous men on the planet, admired and respected throughout the footballing world and beyond.

Yet David Beckham only has three close friends. Becks admitted recently that a group of 20 close pals had gradually dwindled over the years to just three.

But before you shed tears on Becks’ behalf, old golden balls also said that he’s more than content with that figure. Speaking to US Men’s Health magazine, Beckham said:

“I’ve got my wife. I’ve got my four kids. I’ve got parents, grandparents still, and three really good friends. It’s all you need. I’d rather have three really good friends than 20 good friends.”

So is it true? Does a bloke need just three close friends? MSN Him investigates.

Men are hardwired to have fewer friends than women

If your girlfriend makes new friends at the drop of a hat and you still go out with two blokes you’ve known since school, don’t be too hard on yourself because you might not be a social leper after all. There’s some evidence that men are hardwired to have fewer friends than women.

Scientists have found that men and women react differently to stressful or dangerous situations. Men release adrenalin, the ‘fight or flight’ hormone that prepares us to either run away or tough it out. Women release adrenalin, too, but according to a study by scientists at the University of California, women also release a touchy-feely hormone called oxytocin.

What that means is that women can fight or run away if they want, but they can also employ a different strategy: they can ‘tend and befriend’. Put simply, in hard times men tough it out while women gather new friends and allies around them, which means women tend to have more friends overall.

And as far as health is concerned, it could be a case of the more friends the merrier. According to Terri Apter, a social psychologist at Cambridge University and co-author of Best Friends, “social connectivity – whether that’s with friends, family or neighbours – increases health and longevity. The difference is that women have more friends to turn to more often, so they get more benefit.”

So how many friends does science say men need?

So how many friends should a bloke have? Well, according to Oxford University anthropologist Professor Robin Dunbar, author of How Many Friends Does One Person Need? the answer might be 150.

Professor Dunbar believes that the maximum amount of friends anyone can have is about 150, a size set by our brains. We simply can’t keep on top of friendships with any more people than that.

But if 150 sounds like 147 more than you have, don’t worry. There are nuances to Professor Dunbar’s theory. The 150 figure includes family members, close colleagues and acquaintances. Dunbar actually identifies an inner core of intimates numbering just five.

Suddenly, Becks’ figure of three close friends starts looking a bit more realistic.

Can one friend be enough?

Even more surprising findings come from a study by researchers at Cornell University in the US. They asked 2,000 adults how many friends they would discuss “important matters” with. The average came out at just two.

What’s more, nearly half the respondents listed just one close confidante (and a sad 4% listed none at all). The average figure of two is down from three when the last study of its kind was carried out 25 years ago.

Are we losing friends? Chief researcher Martin Brashears thinks not, and suggests that – like Becks – we’re just getting better at honing our social circles.

“Rather than our networks getting smaller overall, what I think may be happening is we’re simply classifying a smaller proportion of our networks as suitable for important discussions,” he argues.

People with hundreds of Facebook friends might be confused by this result, but Brashears says that, “in the internet age, you can be friends on Facebook, but you’re not really friends unless you interact.”

Less is more

Mark Vernon, author of The Philosophy of Friendship, agrees that – while some of us seem to have lots of friends (on Facebook and elsewhere) – the number of close friends anyone can have is likely to be between six and 12. He thinks friendship is about quality not quantity.

Experts also agree that we have different friends for different reasons. Men may have a mate they always go to the football with, a friend they’ve known since childhood and who remains their closest confidante, and a bloke with whom they shared the agonies and ecstasies of early adulthood – through university and into the world of work.

And then, of course, there are female friends. According to Kate Taylor, relationship expert for dating site match.com, any man could benefit from having one close female friend.

“Men might find it easier to open up to a female friend about emotional problems than they would to another man,” she says.

The important thing is to have a range of friends offering different qualities, says relationship counsellor Elly Prior. “Some friends can be great for practical support, but they might not do tears. Others are lousy at emotional support, but are great for an evening out. Some friends will always come with some really good advice and then there are the stars who can offer it all.”

If men have a bunch of friends like these, who they can turn to in both good times and bad, the size of their social circle probably doesn’t matter all that much.

“Having a good social network is really important for our mental well-being,” says Elly Prior. “But it really isn’t about the number – it’s much more about how accessible your friends are.”

Beckham may be right

So if Becks has three really close friends who he interacts with regularly, he could be right that “it’s all I need”.

Men may be hardwired to have fewer friends than women, and there may be certain health advantages in building a large social circle. But to realise those benefits, you have to interact regularly with each and every one. Three may be at the low end of the optimum range, but most experts agree that it’s much better to have five friends you see regularly than 20 you hardly see at all.

Facebook Adoption

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

When you first started using Facebook you were excited to have access to a tool which helped communicate with present and long lost friends. Facebook makes it convenient for people to communicate with each other, streaming environment unlike the email. The tool does only inform you of other people’s lives unlike Twitter the broadcasting tool of all news.

I did a dissertation related to Diffusion of Innovations for my final year at the University of Sunderland, business and product selected to test and explain the theory was Apple’s iPod’s. Now every product or service goes through this process and it is similar to the product life cycle.

The ‘Diffusion of Innovations’ however is different because it involves the rate of the social system at adopting an innovation.  For example with Apple’s iPod it was the loyal brand consumers and technology enthusiasts who were the innovators, early adopters were influenced by the exclusive product that the innovators carried around. Early adopters helped the product be a success by influencing others such as the early majority. The ‘rate of adoption’ can be slow or fast and every innovation is unique in that way, cooperation’s that have had previous success may see a fast ‘rate of adoption’ in the social system.

Everett Rogers popularised the theory in his book back in 1962 ‘Diffusion of Innovations’ and the 2010 edition is available now.

Back to the main topic, Facebook went through exactly the same process except it had no brand followers and it were ‘geeks’ and friends of the owner who were the innovators in the ‘rate of adoption’ model. As time went by it was adopted in the social system by the younger generation at first and then the older generation who are known as the late majority for now. Now from that Facebook changed and your experience changed as a user because it was not exclusive. Below is a list of the ‘type of people’ you may have on your Facebook account, parents and older relatives for example would not be on that list in 2007.

In order of importance to a majority on Facebook:

  1. Relative
  2. Intimate Relationship
  3. Mutual Friend
  4. Online Friend
  5. Just a Facebook Number

Another blog post in the future will explain in detail the various types of ‘Facebook Friends’ that are listed above.

How to decode her flirting

Experts believe the way she flirts is a clue to her personality. But what is her flirting style telling you?

You might have just met her at a bar, or you may have known her for years. Whichever it is, you’re pretty certain you’ve noticed a flicker of sexual or romantic interest.

But what, exactly, has she done to give you that impression? It’s an important question because, according to research, her flirting style can give you a major clue about what to expect in the next few hours, days or weeks – and even what you can expect in a long term relationship (if it gets that far).

In fact, one recent study from the University of Kansas in the US identified five flirting styles and even suggested the types of relationships those styles might lead to. So here’s what her flirting might be telling you.

The physical flirt

She may ostentatiously look you up and down. She may punctuate her conversation with a playful hand on your arm or an obvious flick of her abundant blond locks. According to the psychologists at Kansas University, she’s a physical flirt, and her body language speaks volumes.

What it probably doesn’t say, however, is that you have bagged yourself a guaranteed one-night stand. You haven’t. Physical flirts might be happy to show their sexual interest, but that doesn’t mean they’re promiscuous.

She may well fall for your charms, though. According to the research, physical flirts fall head over heels quite easily, and quickly develop an emotional and – when the time comes – sexual connection.

And don’t be blinded by prejudice. Physical flirts can make for good relationships, even in the long term. Two of the key ingredients of a lasting relationship are sexual chemistry and a strong emotional bond, and physical flirts tend to develop both in abundance.

The traditional flirt

If you think you’ve seen a flicker of interest from a traditional flirt, it’s probably only a flicker. If you’re getting anywhere at all it might be because you’ve known her a long time and you’ve done all the pursuing.

In other words, the traditional flirt believes men should do the asking and women should wait to be asked. If you try other flirting techniques on her – particularly the physical kind – you’re likely to put her off. If she flirts at all it will probably be subconsciously and you’ll have to be aware of some very subtle clues, from a very brief glance in your direction to the shy, nervous fidgeting that can at least indicate interest.

How will a relationship play out? Well, you won’t have to worry about her flirting with other men. Aside from that, she’ll value the security you offer and may well be quite introverted, preferring a cosy night in with you to raucous parties or nightclubs.

The polite flirt

The polite flirt knows the rules. You’re more likely to have to approach her and you’re unlikely to feel the spark of sexual chemistry if you do. It might be there, but she’ll be careful not to let it show.

She probably won’t be cold or standoffish, mind, particularly if she likes you. She’ll engage in lively conversation. She’ll laugh at your jokes. She may swap numbers or email addresses at the end of the night.

But her flirting is likely to be non-sexual in the first instance, and she may seem a little reserved. Her manners will be impeccable but telling her that her eyes sparkle like the brightest stars in the firmament is unlikely to do you any favours. She doesn’t flirt ostentatiously and she’s not flattered by the ostentatious flirting of others.

The good news is that, according to the Kansas research, polite flirters “do tend to have meaningful relationships”. She might be hard work at the outset, but she may well be a loving and loyal partner.

The sincere flirt

There’s no game-playing with the sincere flirt, and no danger that her interest in you will only be sustained until you stop buying the drinks. If you’ve known her a while and she’s said yes to a date, it’s unlikely that she’s agreed on a whim or that she’s going into it half-heartedly. She’s checking you out as serious potential mate material.

So how do you identify a sincere flirt? Well, she might show a lot of interest in your life, work and interests. She will ask questions and be attentive to answers.

She wants to make an emotional connection and will let you know that she’s interested (if she is). So expect her to be open, honest and straight down the line. Her flirting style might not be playful or full of sexy hints and innuendo, but it will be genuine. She won’t do anything purely for effect.

Happily, she may carry that emotional honesty into any ensuing relationship. So if you don’t mess her around, she won’t mess you around, either.

The playful flirt

She’s great fun to be around and her playful, sexy flirting style can send a young man’s imagination into overdrive. You may be very glad – at first – to have chanced upon the most playful female flirt in the bar.

But be warned, the playful flirt is the diametric opposite of her sincere counterpart. She may very well flirt with you or say yes to a date on a whim. She may laugh at your jokes and compliment your style without even considering you as boyfriend material. Her flirting might suggest otherwise, but you’d be wrong to think there’s any future to your encounter beyond the next 10 minutes.

The fact is, playful flirts enjoy flirting. It’s not a means to an end (be that sex, a romance or a relationship), it’s an end in itself. They find it a fun way to spend an evening, partly because of the boost it gives to their own self-esteem. She’ll love your obvious sexual interest, but perhaps not in the way you’d hope.

And any ensuing relationship? Frankly, it’s highly unlikely there’ll be one. If there is, it will probably be fleeting and shallow. Which is fine, of course, as long as you’re not expecting a whole lot more.

If the scientists are right, you really can gauge her wants and desires from the way she flirts. Pick up on the clues early and you could save yourself a lot of heartache, or stop your own flirting style from driving a potential long-term lover away.

Source: http://him.uk.msn.com/sex-and-dating/how-to-decode-her-flirting

Can men and women ever be just good friends?

In the enlightened 21st century you probably have a female friend or two. But can men and women really get past the sex thing?

Many men still think Harry (from When Harry Met Sally) had it right. Men and women can’t ever be true friends, because sex always gets in the way.

That piece of throwaway celluloid wisdom has almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men and women can’t be friends because their red-blooded desire is bound to get the better of them sometime. And even if it doesn’t, bona fide romantic partners will come to view the friend as a potential rival, leaving one relationship or the other floundering on the rocks.

Many men still think Harry (from When Harry Met Sally) had it right. Men and women can’t ever be true friends, because sex always gets in the way.

That piece of throwaway celluloid wisdom has almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men and women can’t be friends because their red-blooded desire is bound to get the better of them sometime. And even if it doesn’t, bona fide romantic partners will come to view the friend as a potential rival, leaving one relationship or the other floundering on the rocks.

You have to admit that it’s a shame. A female friend can give you things that your male friends just can’t, and we’re not talking about sex. Female friends can be an unrivalled source of comfort and feminine wisdom.

So with that in mind, we ask: can men and women ever really be friends? Here are the pros and cons.

The pros

There are very few male/female friendships portrayed in films and on TV, and those that are invariably lead to romance. The friendship is just a stage the characters have to get through before realising how very much in love (and lust) they are.

Friendships devoid of lust are possible

But that’s not necessarily true off-screen. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships looked at different kinds of friendships and found that a friendship bond between a man and woman devoid of lust was possible, and that was as true for men as women. A man could find a female friend attractive, but not always want to sleep with her.

Some experts also believe that the idea that men and women can’t be platonic friends – which originates long before When Harry Met Sally – should be consigned to the past.

In an era when men went out to work and women stayed at home, both genders only tended to mix romantically. These days, we comfortably mix at work, at home and in our recreational activities, so male/female friendships are a natural and welcome consequence.

All of which is great, because a female friend can be a boon for men. In fact, in one study men rated their friendships with women as some of the best they had.

That’s because female friends give men the chance to share their feelings and get advice on personal matters, things they don’t often do with male mates.

“Men might find it easier to open up to a female friend about emotional problems than they would to another man,” says Kate Taylor, relationship expert for Match.com. “Women might be more supportive and encouraging than men, and less likely to tease.”

Research by Kathy Werking, author of We’re Just Good Friends, showed that the most positive thing both men and women get out of platonic friendships is the chance to talk one-to-one. She found that many male/female friendships are highly mutually supportive. Both parties get a lot out of them.

Cons:                                                                                                                                 One friend might start to want more

On the other hand, it’s certainly true that platonic friendships with women can be more testing than all male friendships, and that’s at least partly because of the possibility of unrequited sexual tension.

“It’s mainly that one of the friends will start to want more than the other,” says Taylor. “When this happens, things can get strained. There can be jealousy towards your friend’s dates, which is often displayed as moodiness, or unfair criticism towards the third party. If you feel that one of your platonic friends seems to dislike all your partners, it may be they secretly care about you romantically.”

Watching the friend you secretly fancy swan around with other men can be tough. In the study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 62% of the respondents admitted to sexual tension in their male/female friendships.

Mixed signals are always a danger

Sheepish couple in bed (© Image Source_Getty Images)

Women, in particular, disliked the fact that a supposedly platonic friend might misinterpret a supportive hug. Friends of different genders often have to walk a fine line between being playful, supporting and flirty, in the knowledge that physical contact, in particular, can be easily misconstrued.

They also have to put up with the nudge-nudge remarks of same-sex friends. If you’re friends with an attractive woman, expect a relentless examination of the relationship by mates in the pub. “You’re not really just friends are you?” won’t be the half of it.

Girlfriends and dates might get jealous

Finally, a close female friend will most probably attract the jealousy of dates and girlfriends.

“Partners can sometimes feel threatened by a close friendship you have with someone of the opposite sex,” says Taylor. “They might start questioning if it really is truly platonic.”

But she also suggests a solution. “If that happens, you can erase a lot of the doubt by introducing your partner to your friend. Let them see for themselves how distinctly unromantic you are together,” she adds.

The verdict:                                                                                                                     Male/female friendships are hard work, but worth it

So can men and women be friends? The answer is yes, of course, and as the genders mix more than ever, mixed gender friendships are becoming more common. But they take work, an acceptance of boundaries and the strength of mind to put up with the barracking of the boys in the pub. But they’re almost certainly worth it. As well as everything else, says Taylor, “female friends will give you great dating advice.”

Source : http://him.uk.msn.com/sex-and-dating/can-men-and-women-ever-be-just-good-friends

How to decipher her flirting signals

Even the savviest man can sometimes find it difficult to read whether a woman’s just being friendly or if she’s actually flirting with you. Signals of attraction aren’t always straightforward so here’s a rundown on 10 key signs to watch out for:

1. The eyes have it – When you spot her across a room you notice that she doesn’t just do a ‘double take’. She actually does a triple take, glancing at you three times to confirm her attraction to you. Keep an eye out for that third glance and you’ll know that she’s interested.

2. Wandering eyes – Things might’ve seemed to go well in the first few minutes of conversation but then you notice her eyes seemed to wander around the room. Whenever the door opens or closes she can’t help but glance in the direction. Unfortunately you’ve lost her interest.

3. Watch that fiddling – Yes, women often fiddle with their hair and that can signal flirtatious attraction but it can equally signal nerves. Take note if she starts to fiddle with her necklace while chatting to you. This is a key signal of attraction because she is subconsciously drawing your eye-line to her cleavage.

4. Not any old laugh – Not only does she laugh at your jokes but she throws her head back and seems lost in the moment. Wow, you’ve never felt so funny. When attracted to someone soon after meeting them it’s been found that a woman will magnify your sense of humour in her mind. So if she’s into you, she’s into your jokes too.

5. Time doesn’t matter – Anyone who knows what they’re doing on the dating scene will usually claim to have only a ‘little time’ as a man chats them up. This gives them a get-out clause if they decide they’re not attracted to you within a short time. So if suddenly she seems to have all the time in the world it’s an excellent sign.

6. Get closer – You notice that when she comes back from, eg, the ladies room that she pulls her chair closer to you. Not only has she touched up her make-up – so she’s feeling at her best – but she now wants to get up close and personal with you too.

7. In the pink – As you two chat she seems to flush/blush a bit – known as the “sex glow”. Unless she’s been drinking a lot – and this is the result of excess alcohol – it’s a physical sign that she’s feeling warm and cozy in your company.

8. Swaying is the way – Again, as long as she’s not been drinking excessively look out for her body swaying gently in time with your conversation. This will take the form of discreet little back and forth movements that show she’s mirroring your body language. Mirroring is a clear signal of attraction so relax – you might find you mirror her movements back.

9. It’s all about you – You notice her conversation doesn’t just to revolve around her life or general interest topics like hobbies but she asks direct questions about you. She seems keen to hear what you have to say, about what makes you tick, your likes and dislikes, etc. And that means she’s really taking an interest.

10. All important hesitation – As the evening draws to a close and you’re about to go your separate ways she seems to hesitate. There is a distinct ‘moment’ of pause where she doesn’t rush to get her coat or charge for the door. This is a clear signal she wants you to take her number or definitely give her a call if you already have it. If you’re interested in her then go for it.

Source: http://him.uk.msn.com/sex-and-dating/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=159645152