I would really like to create a blog post and video about the difficulties that young people as myself have to face in the Asian culturue and community. For example girls in some families never have the freedom in the UK to study a degree in whatever they like. Many are forced into studying a PHD or Law degree just so the parents can score points in the Asian community and show off with pride.
People like myself have to sacrifice our own dreams and desires to give that pride and respect to our parents for the communities sake. Most would say “we don’t care” and will do whatever they want, for example marry whichever girl they want or live their life how they want to. However some people like me love their parents a lot and can not go to sleep if we have hurt our parents. If you love your parents then you feel their pain and its the same in any relationship, sharing pain and happiness is love.
I would want to go into more detail of what it has been like for the British Pakistani generation. I can tell people that these things happen in other Asian countries but they still happen in the UK and there is no one to help us because no one has yet tried to understand what we have to face. For example if a boy/girl were to do what they wanted regarding education, job, relationship/marriage then we be emotionally blackmailed to change our minds or be disowned from the family and community.
Many people consider all these problems to be related to our religion Islam but it isn’t. Majority of people take advantage of the religion when it suits their needs and cause harm to others. Majority of Muslims in the UK try to find love before their parents decide to get them married to someone who they have never seen or have the same level of understanding. British people I know who are or were my friends could never understand this because it is very easy for them. These people just party and move in with whoever they want and date/sleep with anyone they like without being questioned. For us Muslims its a sin to do all that and that is fair enough but even in our religion it is stated that a couple must be happy with the marriage otherwise it is not recognised by Allah (God).
There are many sacrifices I have had to make and I am sure there are many other Muslims who have had to do the same in this modern world. Muslims who do have freedom actually go over the limit and do things that they shouldn’t just for sake of acceptence in the British community. Many of these Muslims actually forget that we were once hated and kept as slaves and that their own ancestors suffered pain for them. And what do these Pakistani’s or Muslims do to thank them or remember them? Nope they don’t pray for them so they get reward in heaven. They instead be players/sluts and be very western with how they look and forget their culture, traditions and religion. Some can’t even cook the traditional way and have to go out and eat, unhealthy in many cases because food cooked at home can have fresh ingrediants and be cooked the traditional Asian way.
Most of the British people I knew always told me to do what I want and not bother with what my parents say. Now those people might not want to make their parents happy but I was not going to be someoen who hurt his parents. Now I have always believed that your children will treat you exactly the same as you treated your own parents. I would not want to be disrespected or be hurt by my children. There is a saying “Parents always do what’s best for their children” and I know whatever my parents do for me will be for the best..even if it means getting married to someone they say.
In the Muslim community we do not abandon our parents in their old age and put them in a home. Most British people do this because they can’t be bothered to take care of their parents in their old age and see it as a burden. In our religion it is rewarding to take care of their parents in their old age because they are the two gates to heaven and we are not going to put them in a home where they don’t have their family around them. Many British I have seen just leave home at the age of 18 and start partying, sleeping around and doing whatever they want. They never consider taking care of their parents and staying home. If you can do that to your parents then your children will also leave you alone. This is not a good thing because I always want to be there for my parents so I can look after them when they are old and maybe ill. I don’t want some strangers looking after my parents with no love for them and only seeing it as a job.
I do wish that in the Muslim community we were free to fall in love and marry that person. I can understand why that is not accepted because the word LOVE is just a word in this modern world. No guy or women can stick to the term LOVE and be loyal to his/her partner. Even Muslims guys and girls are behaving that way just to acheive fun in life. Falling in Love is the best thing but many Asian girls or guys will not stick with that person and tell their parents they want to marry them. Those Asian girls and guys will instead just mess around with other people every few weeks, months and years. So maybe our parents are right to not give us the freedom of love and actually help us have a better life by getting us married to someone from back home who is faithful, loyal and will love you for life.
There is one advice that I would like to give which I have always followed:
There are two directions in life, the right and the wrong. If you take the wrong path you will find it easy at first and find success and happiness but it won’t last long and you will feel empty and alone in life. If you take the right path you will have to face a lot of difficulties in the beginning and be hurt a lot. But you will be successful and happy for a long..long time.
I have always taken the right path and I’m still facing difficulties and been hurt a lot..but I will be very happy soon because I will be more stronger as a person and not be one to give up and cheat in life.
I don’t know if people would like a blog post in more detail but I really do feel like as if I need to make people aware of what goes on in the Asian (Pakistani, Bengail and etc) community.