Hard Life

I’ve always had to work hard myself to achieve any goals that I set for myself. They were never easy like it is for some, things always went bad for me and I had to do stuff the hard way.

Long story but I’m kind of unlucky. But it has made me a strong person and I love to be faced with a challenge now because I feel very satisfied when I work hard and achieve anything.

There are many challenges I face at the moment involving family health problems, personal issues and other unlucky challenges I keep facing. I can never get what I want the easy way like some may be able to. I have to go through a lot before I finally achieve any goals.

I am really happy with the person I am today because having to work hard and not have it handed to me has made me mentally strong, confident, ambitious, enthusiastic and helpful. I feel great satisfaction from helping others who might have issues because I can connect with others and show compassion.

I don’t like to go on about myself so I will talk about something else now.

I believe this World we live in can be much better if we could be patient and not let ourselves become angry over small issues. Everyone has to face some sort of challenge in life to get what they want and there are some who can’t and resort to making others feel bad or taking it from them.

There is still some discrimination in this World and it is not perfect. I never felt any of that in University because of everyone being from different backgrounds. Together we are able to be effective by using the knowledge and advantages from our cultures. Individually we have some weaknesses and that does not help. As I said working together with different people helps us become better.

Most important point I wanted to make is that living in Newcastle for many years I have always felt that my family and myself have never felt accepted by our own kind (Pakistani Community). I don’t know if this is because of wealth, status or what. I hate the fact that many girls who have well off parents consider themselves to be better than others and be stuck up when talking to anyone who isn’t. They forget that at one time their ancestors were living in Pakistan and maybe not well-off. A person should not be like that to others because your fortune in life can change in a second.

I don’t like these divisions we have in our own culture/community. It causes issues between people and makes someone who is less unfortunate for a period to accept the challenge and work hard to show them they are not low class people. This actually is good in some ways because hunger to be someone drives you very hard to achieve your goals. To people like me and others who have that drive actually are put in a situation where they believe anything is possible. Just think of the Rocky movies that show someone who is unfortunate and because of the situation he is in he just has to achieve his goals. The hunger and drive of a person can help achieve anything. When someone is not in a bad situation and is surrounded by a family with no issues they may not feel the urge to achieve that success.

I am not saying people who have a healthy family environment or financial stability do not achieve anything. I am stating that if you are in a family environment where people are depending on your success and drive to bring stability then you will face the impossible to make it possible. We are natural survivors and the situations we are born into or put into can not be helped because we don’t decide the environment. So anyone who looks down upon another or can not even communicate with their own kind (humans, pakistani, british etc) is not a good person at all.

I have experienced it many times when Pakistani girls judge you straight away and don’t communicate in any friendly or human manner. They will see you as some burden if you can not help them gain anything in life, for example many I’ve realised in Newcastle are looking for the rich guy who they can marry and leech off from. At University many of my friends were from different backgrounds but none of the girls were from my own background (Pakistani). Why? Well because they chose very carefully who they wanted to talk to and usually it was the guys who had the expensive car and wealthy family. These kind of differences would hurt me a lot and make me feel as if I had to prove something.

In the end I didn’t bother with them because I would not waste my time on people who are so materialistic and full of pride with no rock solid foundations of life. I just dislike Pakistani girls in Newcastle because they are the most stubborn and stuck-up. You would say “Hi” in person, Facebook or Twitter and you would get this look or reaction as if you’re a piece of garbage. I would rather marry a Pakistani girl from Pakistan any day of the week instead of any Pakistani girl in the UK. They have no consideration for religion, culture or tradition. All they see is how wealthy a guy is and if they can marry him and not have to live any kind of hard life. They want a life full of leisure and no hard work like our Pakistani ancestors had. I would not want a person in my life who raised my/her children to have things handed to them on a plate.


Why you need good friends

Close male friendships are under the microscope like never before, and according to new research they’re closer than ever.

Are you in a bromance? If you don’t know what that means, it’s a caring, sharing, let-it-all-out relationship – with another man.

These close male bonds are entirely non-sexual and really just male equivalents of the close female friendships many women seem to have.

According to a new study, they’re on the rise. Research for social networking site Badoo has found that over half of British men are currently in a close platonic relationship with another man, or have been in the past.

That may be partly due to the sudden popularity of male best friends in film and TV drama. According to the study, Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson top the men’s list of favourite bromances.

So what do men get from such close bonds with other men, and why do we seem to need it so much now? MSN Him investigates.

Male and female friendships
Male friendships aren’t meant to be like that, of course. The joke has it that when women get together with friends they talk about themselves, their relationships and their lives, and when men get together with friends they talk about football.

It’s a cliché, but it contains a nugget of truth. Research published in the Personal Relationships journal a few years ago found that men’s friendships tend to be less intimate than women’s. Women talked more about themselves and shared more personal information, while men tended to distance themselves from matters of the heart and kept shows of emotion to a minimum.

And there’s more. In his recent book, Lonely At The Top: The High Costs Of Men’s Success, psychologist Thomas Joiner draws upon scientific research to show that manly pursuits of power, status and money bring rewards but at the cost of intimate friendships.

Bromance in the media
If men don’t traditionally have such emotionally close friendships, where on Earth has the phenomenon of bromance sprung from?

Partly, of course, it’s a media construction. There’s the aforementioned Holmes and Watson (pictured above). Then there’s Butch and Sundance, Joey and Chandler from Friends, Gavin and Smithy from Gavin and Stacey, and the inseparable Ant and Dec.

The quest for a male ‘bestie’ (best friend) and male bonding has become a Hollywood staple. The film I Love You, Man follows Paul Rudd on his quest to find a best man. Sideways was a male bonding movie with a side order of wine and women.

We could go on, but suffice to say there’s a lot of it about. And though Hollywood may have pushed it up the agenda, filmmakers do tend to identify a social phenomenon and then make films about it rather than inventing one from scratch.

So the question remains: why are men cultivating more intimate friendships now?

Delayed responsibility
According to Dr Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland, a study of modern male friendship, it might partly be down to the fact that men are getting married and having kids later in life. By putting off big responsibilities, we’ve more time to develop close male friendships.

That’s backed up by the Badoo research, which found that 28% of single men are currently ensconced in an intimate, platonic same-sex friendship, but just 10% of married men are.

And then there’s the possibility that men need an intimate confidante more than ever in an increasingly uncertain, insecure world.

The advantages
So the rise of these intimate friendships could be a good thing. It could be that men are latching onto something that women inherently know: having someone to confide in of the same gender, and who looks at the world in the same way you do, may help shelter your mental wellbeing from the swirling storms of recession, insecurity and relationship problems.

And apparently, having a close best friend can also just be really good fun. The Badoo research found that a quarter of men admitted to having “the most fun they have with anyone” with a close friend of the same sex.

That’s not too surprising. It’s not always true, but it’s likely that most men enjoy the things men tend to like, whether that’s sports, rebuilding an engine or Belgian beer, more with a mate than with a partner.

And it could be that bromance is just a more intense version of what men have always had. Some experts think that, even before the term was invented, many men had more intimate friendships than perhaps anyone thought. Sociologist Scott Swain invented the term “closeness in doing”, which means that men bond over the things they do together, whether that’s going for a drink, watching sport or trekking through the hills, while women bond over just being together.

Men like doing these things, and they like doing them even more with a trusted, close friend. In other words, men do share – they just share differently to women. They share their passions and they bond, take solace and offer comfort and feel better about themselves in doing so.

Friendly advice
Whether you think bromance is a new phenomenon or simply a media-driven extension of something that was always there, it’s surely true that close male friendships are not something to shy away from.

If more men are enjoying each other’s company and feeling able to unburden themselves of their fears and hopes at the same time, so much the better.

You might call it bromance, or you might just call it having a really good mate.

How many friends does a man need?

Celebrity footballer David Beckham says he has just three close friends. Do men need any more than that?

David Beckham is one of the most famous men on the planet, admired and respected throughout the footballing world and beyond.

Yet David Beckham only has three close friends. Becks admitted recently that a group of 20 close pals had gradually dwindled over the years to just three.

But before you shed tears on Becks’ behalf, old golden balls also said that he’s more than content with that figure. Speaking to US Men’s Health magazine, Beckham said:

“I’ve got my wife. I’ve got my four kids. I’ve got parents, grandparents still, and three really good friends. It’s all you need. I’d rather have three really good friends than 20 good friends.”

So is it true? Does a bloke need just three close friends? MSN Him investigates.

Men are hardwired to have fewer friends than women

If your girlfriend makes new friends at the drop of a hat and you still go out with two blokes you’ve known since school, don’t be too hard on yourself because you might not be a social leper after all. There’s some evidence that men are hardwired to have fewer friends than women.

Scientists have found that men and women react differently to stressful or dangerous situations. Men release adrenalin, the ‘fight or flight’ hormone that prepares us to either run away or tough it out. Women release adrenalin, too, but according to a study by scientists at the University of California, women also release a touchy-feely hormone called oxytocin.

What that means is that women can fight or run away if they want, but they can also employ a different strategy: they can ‘tend and befriend’. Put simply, in hard times men tough it out while women gather new friends and allies around them, which means women tend to have more friends overall.

And as far as health is concerned, it could be a case of the more friends the merrier. According to Terri Apter, a social psychologist at Cambridge University and co-author of Best Friends, “social connectivity – whether that’s with friends, family or neighbours – increases health and longevity. The difference is that women have more friends to turn to more often, so they get more benefit.”

So how many friends does science say men need?

So how many friends should a bloke have? Well, according to Oxford University anthropologist Professor Robin Dunbar, author of How Many Friends Does One Person Need? the answer might be 150.

Professor Dunbar believes that the maximum amount of friends anyone can have is about 150, a size set by our brains. We simply can’t keep on top of friendships with any more people than that.

But if 150 sounds like 147 more than you have, don’t worry. There are nuances to Professor Dunbar’s theory. The 150 figure includes family members, close colleagues and acquaintances. Dunbar actually identifies an inner core of intimates numbering just five.

Suddenly, Becks’ figure of three close friends starts looking a bit more realistic.

Can one friend be enough?

Even more surprising findings come from a study by researchers at Cornell University in the US. They asked 2,000 adults how many friends they would discuss “important matters” with. The average came out at just two.

What’s more, nearly half the respondents listed just one close confidante (and a sad 4% listed none at all). The average figure of two is down from three when the last study of its kind was carried out 25 years ago.

Are we losing friends? Chief researcher Martin Brashears thinks not, and suggests that – like Becks – we’re just getting better at honing our social circles.

“Rather than our networks getting smaller overall, what I think may be happening is we’re simply classifying a smaller proportion of our networks as suitable for important discussions,” he argues.

People with hundreds of Facebook friends might be confused by this result, but Brashears says that, “in the internet age, you can be friends on Facebook, but you’re not really friends unless you interact.”

Less is more

Mark Vernon, author of The Philosophy of Friendship, agrees that – while some of us seem to have lots of friends (on Facebook and elsewhere) – the number of close friends anyone can have is likely to be between six and 12. He thinks friendship is about quality not quantity.

Experts also agree that we have different friends for different reasons. Men may have a mate they always go to the football with, a friend they’ve known since childhood and who remains their closest confidante, and a bloke with whom they shared the agonies and ecstasies of early adulthood – through university and into the world of work.

And then, of course, there are female friends. According to Kate Taylor, relationship expert for dating site match.com, any man could benefit from having one close female friend.

“Men might find it easier to open up to a female friend about emotional problems than they would to another man,” she says.

The important thing is to have a range of friends offering different qualities, says relationship counsellor Elly Prior. “Some friends can be great for practical support, but they might not do tears. Others are lousy at emotional support, but are great for an evening out. Some friends will always come with some really good advice and then there are the stars who can offer it all.”

If men have a bunch of friends like these, who they can turn to in both good times and bad, the size of their social circle probably doesn’t matter all that much.

“Having a good social network is really important for our mental well-being,” says Elly Prior. “But it really isn’t about the number – it’s much more about how accessible your friends are.”

Beckham may be right

So if Becks has three really close friends who he interacts with regularly, he could be right that “it’s all I need”.

Men may be hardwired to have fewer friends than women, and there may be certain health advantages in building a large social circle. But to realise those benefits, you have to interact regularly with each and every one. Three may be at the low end of the optimum range, but most experts agree that it’s much better to have five friends you see regularly than 20 you hardly see at all.

Can men and women ever be just good friends?

In the enlightened 21st century you probably have a female friend or two. But can men and women really get past the sex thing?

Many men still think Harry (from When Harry Met Sally) had it right. Men and women can’t ever be true friends, because sex always gets in the way.

That piece of throwaway celluloid wisdom has almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men and women can’t be friends because their red-blooded desire is bound to get the better of them sometime. And even if it doesn’t, bona fide romantic partners will come to view the friend as a potential rival, leaving one relationship or the other floundering on the rocks.

Many men still think Harry (from When Harry Met Sally) had it right. Men and women can’t ever be true friends, because sex always gets in the way.

That piece of throwaway celluloid wisdom has almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men and women can’t be friends because their red-blooded desire is bound to get the better of them sometime. And even if it doesn’t, bona fide romantic partners will come to view the friend as a potential rival, leaving one relationship or the other floundering on the rocks.

You have to admit that it’s a shame. A female friend can give you things that your male friends just can’t, and we’re not talking about sex. Female friends can be an unrivalled source of comfort and feminine wisdom.

So with that in mind, we ask: can men and women ever really be friends? Here are the pros and cons.

The pros

There are very few male/female friendships portrayed in films and on TV, and those that are invariably lead to romance. The friendship is just a stage the characters have to get through before realising how very much in love (and lust) they are.

Friendships devoid of lust are possible

But that’s not necessarily true off-screen. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships looked at different kinds of friendships and found that a friendship bond between a man and woman devoid of lust was possible, and that was as true for men as women. A man could find a female friend attractive, but not always want to sleep with her.

Some experts also believe that the idea that men and women can’t be platonic friends – which originates long before When Harry Met Sally – should be consigned to the past.

In an era when men went out to work and women stayed at home, both genders only tended to mix romantically. These days, we comfortably mix at work, at home and in our recreational activities, so male/female friendships are a natural and welcome consequence.

All of which is great, because a female friend can be a boon for men. In fact, in one study men rated their friendships with women as some of the best they had.

That’s because female friends give men the chance to share their feelings and get advice on personal matters, things they don’t often do with male mates.

“Men might find it easier to open up to a female friend about emotional problems than they would to another man,” says Kate Taylor, relationship expert for Match.com. “Women might be more supportive and encouraging than men, and less likely to tease.”

Research by Kathy Werking, author of We’re Just Good Friends, showed that the most positive thing both men and women get out of platonic friendships is the chance to talk one-to-one. She found that many male/female friendships are highly mutually supportive. Both parties get a lot out of them.

Cons:                                                                                                                                 One friend might start to want more

On the other hand, it’s certainly true that platonic friendships with women can be more testing than all male friendships, and that’s at least partly because of the possibility of unrequited sexual tension.

“It’s mainly that one of the friends will start to want more than the other,” says Taylor. “When this happens, things can get strained. There can be jealousy towards your friend’s dates, which is often displayed as moodiness, or unfair criticism towards the third party. If you feel that one of your platonic friends seems to dislike all your partners, it may be they secretly care about you romantically.”

Watching the friend you secretly fancy swan around with other men can be tough. In the study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 62% of the respondents admitted to sexual tension in their male/female friendships.

Mixed signals are always a danger

Sheepish couple in bed (© Image Source_Getty Images)

Women, in particular, disliked the fact that a supposedly platonic friend might misinterpret a supportive hug. Friends of different genders often have to walk a fine line between being playful, supporting and flirty, in the knowledge that physical contact, in particular, can be easily misconstrued.

They also have to put up with the nudge-nudge remarks of same-sex friends. If you’re friends with an attractive woman, expect a relentless examination of the relationship by mates in the pub. “You’re not really just friends are you?” won’t be the half of it.

Girlfriends and dates might get jealous

Finally, a close female friend will most probably attract the jealousy of dates and girlfriends.

“Partners can sometimes feel threatened by a close friendship you have with someone of the opposite sex,” says Taylor. “They might start questioning if it really is truly platonic.”

But she also suggests a solution. “If that happens, you can erase a lot of the doubt by introducing your partner to your friend. Let them see for themselves how distinctly unromantic you are together,” she adds.

The verdict:                                                                                                                     Male/female friendships are hard work, but worth it

So can men and women be friends? The answer is yes, of course, and as the genders mix more than ever, mixed gender friendships are becoming more common. But they take work, an acceptance of boundaries and the strength of mind to put up with the barracking of the boys in the pub. But they’re almost certainly worth it. As well as everything else, says Taylor, “female friends will give you great dating advice.”

Source : http://him.uk.msn.com/sex-and-dating/can-men-and-women-ever-be-just-good-friends

When Facebook Users Try To Control Your Life!

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

You may wonder how is it possible for another Facebook user to even attempt to control your life when nothing on Facebook is actually real. Well they try to control you in every aspect before you even decide to post a status or photo and even comment on anything they have posted. You begin to think what you might post which will appeal to everyone and keep everyone happy but we all know very well that you can never please everyone.

If you decide to post a lot of status updates or photos then people start complaining about it by posting a status or commenting on anything you have posted. The whole point of social networking is to share furthermore there is no limit to how much you can or should share. If an individual wants his/her Tweets to be posted on Facebook via Twitter link-up then why shouldn’t he/she do that. An individual should not have to consider what others may think because the Internet is a place where anyone can say whatever they want to a certain limit. Many people on Facebook get abusive just because someone who is on their list has posted numerous tweets which are related to the latest trending topics. Facebook users try to control your life by saying that their ‘News Feed‘ is covered with your posts. In other terms Facebook users want others to somehow guess what their ‘News Feed’ must look like before posting anything.

It is not possible for an individual to know how another users Facebook ‘News Feed’ may look like because they don’t have access to that information. A Facebook user may have many friends and that determines how full your ‘News Feed’ may get if they regularly post content. Basically if your not going to make any effort to talk to another user then why accept their ‘Friend Request’ or even send one. From experience I have seen certain individuals who just stick to a certain group of people and never make changes in their life and communicate with the same people on a daily basis. They don’t like breaking barriers and communicating with someone new who can make them feel more refreshed for a few days or weeks.