Is there a crisis of manhood?


Two new books say men have lost their place in the world, but is there really a ‘crisis of manhood’?

There are two books coming out about men in the next few months that have a very similar theme.

The first, an e-book by respected psychologist Philip G. Zimbardo, is called “The demise of guys”. The other, written by senior American journalist Hanna Rosin and out in the Autumn, is called “The end of men”.

As you might have guessed, the argument at the heart of both these books is that there is a crisis of manhood.

Boys and men alike have lost their place in the world and are more likely to fail at school, college or work – and be depressed, suicidal and lonely – than ever before.

But is it true? Is there a crisis of manhood? We take a look at the evidence.

Stating the case

There’s no doubt that statistics bear out the idea that boys and men are having a hard time – to some extent. In school exams, for instance, girls now do considerably better than boys. In 2011, the percentage of girls gaining A grades at GCSE was nearly 7% higher than the percentage of boys achieving similar results, a gap that has widened from just 1.5% in 1989.

And that gap doesn’t close at college or university. More women than men are attaining A levels, while in 2010 more young women – 51% – were going to university, compared to just 40% of young men. At the end of it all, a higher percentage of women are gaining first class degrees.

And this is slowly being reflected in the workplace. For example, it’s predicted that there will be more female doctors than male ones in a few years’ time. Over in America, 2010 data showed more women were working than men.

“It may be happening slowly and unevenly, but it’s unmistakably happening: in the long view, the modern economy is becoming a place where women hold the cards,” writes Hanna Rosin.

In other areas the crisis of manhood is even starker. Men are three times more likely than women to take their own lives, and in young men, under 35, suicide is the second most common cause of death in England and Wales.

But the authors of “The demise of guys” go further than that. Young men aren’t just failing at school and college and increasingly becoming depressed; they’re “flaming out academically, wiping out socially with girls and failing sexually with women.”

In other words, in all the major areas of life, from education to romance, it seems men are messing up. But why might that be?

Importance of status

Hanna Rosin suggests the crisis of manhood is largely economic in origin. Male dominated jobs that require physical strength are in terminal decline. Jobs that rely on communication skills and emotional intelligence are on the rise. Unfortunately for men, they’re better suited to the former.

And when men lose their jobs, they often lose status. Their role in the family, and in society, is lost with them. Men who can’t offer much in the way of status aren’t even an attractive romantic proposition to most women. Rosin hints at a sense of hopelessness that is engulfing many men.

Zimbardo offers another cause: technology. He arguea that, “from the earliest ages, guys are seduced into excessive and mostly isolated viewing and involvement with texting, tweeting, blogging, online chatting, emailing, and watching sports on TV or laptops.”

All this solitary activity is hardly conducive to good education, good relationships or developing the sort of communication skills that men need to stay in touch with the demands of the new economy, the author says.

In a nutshell, we’re all doomed.

Is the manhood crisis a myth?

But other researchers refute the idea of a crisis of manhood.

Yes, says British psychologist Dr Mark McCormack, some men are struggling both socially and economically. But his own research also suggests that men are shedding the ‘macho man’ stereotypes that may once have held them back.

He believes that, at school, boys are no longer attacked for being too clever or ‘swatty’. He suggests that young men are maintaining “emotionally rich friendships” and that more than ever men are putting value on building relationships and forming close bonds.

In fact, he writes in Psychology Today, young men are “casting off the orthodox notions of what it means to be a man and they are embracing their softer sides. It is something we should celebrate.”

And other evidence suggests that, far from flaming out with women, men are having more sex than ever. They have more than twice the number of sexual partners that women do, and because fewer men go to University, male undergraduates are in romantic demand.

Even at work, and even though many traditionally male-dominated careers are clearly in decline, the idea of a masculine ‘crisis’ might be overplayed. Statistics show that the gender pay gap is still large, and it favours men. On average, women earn 15% less than men in the UK.

All down to perspective

So, is there a ‘crisis’ of manhood? That depends on your perspective. These are clearly challenging times for young men in particular, who find themselves staring at an economically bleak outlook and a world that is changing in favour of softer, more feminine, character traits.

Clearly, many men feel alienated by the situation they find themselves in and turn to solitary pursuits and online distractions to help fill the gaps in their lives.

At the same time, men still tend to earn more than women and many men are adapting to the new reality by shedding macho stereotypes and forging closer relationships, both on and offline.

Nevertheless, there appear to be changes afoot that are affecting many men deeply. If it isn’t a crisis of manhood, it may be reaching crisis point for plenty of men.

Advertisements

Falling in Love Exposed


This post can help women understand that many men do have feelings and think about the women they like for long periods. There are men out there who take advantage of women who want to care and love them, men find them as easy targets because they fool them by displaying similar actions for a short period of time. Not all men are like that and there are some who stay committed to the person they love. The following list in no particular order is what women ask for in a loving man:

  • Listen to her for hours and follow every word
  • Share responsibility (bills, decoration, shopping & etc.)
  • Talking before making a joint decision
  • Look after her
  • Show public affection
  • Be considerate about her feelings at all times
  • Don’t expect to be told what to do
  • Buying her a gift
  • Taking her out (restaurant, cinema, shopping & etc.)
  • Bonding with her family
  • Making her No.1 before anyone or anything
  • Unconditional love
  • Making her dinner sometimes
  • Appreciating her personality
  • Appreciating her looks (body, clothes & etc.)
  • Taking control and having a sense of direction in life
  • Financial stability for her offspring to have the best opportunities in life
  • Letting her win the argument (fighting causes more problems)
  • 100% commitment
  • 100% trust (regular communication)
  • Giving her some space and time to her own life (work, friends & family)
  • Making her feel positive, confident and happy
  • A mature relationship
  • No regular arguments over the past
  • Consistent sense of excitement (activities, intimacy & etc.)
  • Both involved in activities around the house
  • Maintaining a shared hobby (gym, shopping, books, dancing & etc.)
  • Trying something new together
  • Telling each other what they have done/how they feel on a day-to-day basis
  • Any other I may have left! (you get my point though)

Ok. Since I’m being pretty general and theoretical here let’s get a bit more specific and talk about what every women dreams about: falling in love. Here’s how people fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you are in their presence. No. You fall in love when you’re off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. This is why it is so hypnotically powerful, because you are doing it to yourself, and people are always best hypnotists.

Here’s how it happens: you go out with someone, maybe even one date. And then you go home, and you’re lying there, thinking about them. And, you form an image of them in your mind. And as you do that, you start to list to yourself all the qualities about them that you like, “She’s so, she’s so, she’s really.” Maybe then you picture you and them having lots of fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get that warm, funny feeling right in your solar plexus, and then, the nail in your coffin, you say her name to yourself 2 or 3 times. If you’re really a geek, maybe you even dance around the house like ‘Chandler’ from ‘FRIENDS’. Or you possible go about bringing up her name in every conversation with your friends.

Sound familiar? Now, as you recall the times in your past when you did this, were you then able to stay cool, in control of yourself AND the relationship? Or were you calling her every day, always wanting to see her, and sending her the signal of being clingy, to the point where she, of course, dumped you for a man who showed attributes of masculinity.

A man, in control, pulling her away from you. No, this does not mean all women want men like that. However women do like a man to be a man no matter what. She does not want to be the one who makes you feel better if you are in tears; she wants you to be the strong one and hug her when she is in tears and be a strong character in the relationship that is her rock. Overall this gives the relationship some stability and keeps the connection strong because you will be the one she comes to when there is a problem or when she needs to be loved. If you’re not like that then some women usually have a friend, a man, who is strong and her rock who she can go to. I want to clarify that this is not always the case and every relationship is unique. However many relationships are similar to what I have discussed in this paragraph.

Here’s the point: “Love” is a process people do to themselves! It’s not a “thing” you trip over or a “hole” you fall into. And I know, even though I’m not there watching you, that as I describe it here in this post, you recalled and went through that process yourself, and recalled the feelings associated with it. And if I can do it you, on a blog, when I’m not even there, then you can, if you know how, skilfully describe this (or any other) process to a women in your presence, link it to yourself, and in a matter of minutes, cause her to undergo that process and fall in love with you on the spot, dummy!

Think about this for a second instead of dismissing it as a process that won’t work. The dummy process you did to yourself can now be used to make her fawn all over you, repeatedly and predictably!

Women Aren’t “Nice” – Part 7


WOMEN AREN’T “NICE”

It is critical to realise that women are human beings and not made from sugar and spice. They are just as competitive, manipulative, conniving, game playing, merciless, and ruthless, in their quest to get the man of their choice. Once they “get” their man, they will try to control him.

The irony, of course, is that women detest men that can be controlled by women. However, women WILL try to control you. Sometimes, women are only trying to CONTROL you as a TEST: To see if you are THE MAN.

If you permit them to control you, you FAIL the test.

The desire for control, for both sexes, stems from the massive stakes involved, but it’s far more devastating for a man to submit to control. It destroys his sexual attractiveness.

For a man, it’s always self-destructive for him to submit to any control whatsoever, no matter what the woman’s reason is for attempting to control him. And no matter what, a man ALWAYS ends up coming out more attractive by not submitting.

Since women are not “nice” and since they will attempt to control you with ingenious tactics, it is imperative you keep your guard up and not let any power or control slip through your fingers.

One of the most tragic mistakes a man can make is to let a woman know that something she did actually bothered him at all.

You MUST understand that there is just too much at stake for both men and women to play nicely “by the rules”.

If you let a woman know that something she did hurt you, she will simply use that knowledge AGAINST you, to CONTROL you.

She will try to see how far you will go, in terms of kissing her ass, to try to prevent her from doing it again. And most guys resort to this pathetic bribery. It’s as if these guys are saying, “I’m kissing your ass so you will like me enough to not do that mean thing again.”

An example of this phenomenon is when a man tells a woman that it bothers him when she talks rudely to him. Then, not only does he now seem needy, which is unsexy, but also, she can then use extortion in subtle ways. For example, she might hint that you should do this, that, and whatever else for her or she might do the hurtful thing again.

She may use psychological warfare, and act kind of distant, to see how scared you are of her repeating this behaviour, and what you will do for her to prevent it.

You must not accept ANY crap from any woman, EVER.

As soon as she acts up, you must show how calm you are as you deliver the punishment, the figurative SPANK.

This way, she will sense that it is HER problem, not yours, for acting up.

She will know that you can easily get another, better woman than her.

Of course, if she did anything serious, then dump her and forget about her immediately. ZERO second chances for any real serious shit.

NEVER explain to a woman that she should treat you right.

If she doesn’t know that, DUMP her. She is not worth keeping if she does not treat you right. Tell her not to come back until she shapes up.

And she will usually come running back to you when you throw her to the curb for misbehaving.

It’s called you having self-respect.

And if women sense that NOTHING bothers you, then there is NOTHING they can use against you. And, after testing you to see if you can be hurt or not, and seeing that you indeed cannot, they will usually kiss your feet.

If a woman does not show an immediate massive change, kick her out.

Does that sound like a mean, bitter statement about women?

It’s not. It’s the prescription for reality. 99.999999999 per cent of the time.

You might be tempted after a few good weeks with a woman to think that if she does something out of line, then you could just tell her that what she did hurt. After all, “She loves me, so she wouldn’t want to hurt me again”.

Nope.

If you show her she hurt you, she’ll keep it in her arsenal.

And she will use it again.

Think about it like this: 99.99 per cent of the time, if somebody is being a prick, they know it.

Women know if they are doing something wrong to you.

And if they really don’t know, it’s probably something trivial and not worth you mentioning to her anyway!

So if you DO indicate something hurt you, she will just know how to activate your “hurt button” in the future.

So here’s my recommendation:

Keep your cool at all times.

Don’t let her know that ANYTHING bothers you.

Always, calmly tell her she misbehaved by doing the specific thing she did. Tell her you won’t tolerate it.

But don’t let her feel it actually bothered you.

NEVER argue with her about it. It will NOT HELP, only make things worse. I guarantee it.

Now of course, if you have been with a woman who has been great to you for years, and once in a while she acts up a bit, well that’s perfectly normal you probably aren’t perfect either. You’ve both earned a bit of slack.

There is a BUT, though.

But heed this warning:

Women will sense a guy that they can get to kiss their ass, and will take FULL ADVANTAGE OF HIM till he is barely even a rug to walk over.

And women will deny this till the end of time, even coming up with brilliant “excuses” for their bad behaviour.

Now that you know this, it’s time to stop taking any crap from any woman. You are responsible from now on if you put up with anything that doesn’t feel right.

Think about that the next time you’re about to be “Mr Nice Guy” with any woman. Women understand, relate to, and demand mental toughness more than you realise.

(Notice I used the word mental toughness. Don’t EVER get

PHYSICALLY VIOLENT or even upset with any woman, I’ll explain later why this is so important to your success, and goes way beyond just the law.)

Don’t be Mr Nice Guy. And don’t be Mr Angry. Neither one is cool.

So you know now not to be a nice guy. How exactly should you be?

Pound this short answer into your head: Be “THE MAN”. In the macho, cliché sense.

Oh, I really hope that doesn’t hurt you or insult you.

It shouldn’t, because if you haven’t been THE MAN, it’s not your fault.

For a long time, I didn’t think like THE MAN. It isn’t easy in our inane, politically correct culture.

A lot of guys don’t believe me when I say that being THE MAN, inside, mentally, and even more important, emotionally, is THE VITAL KEY to sparking and sustaining a woman’s desire. These guys think that their looks and money are more important.

WOMEN HATE “EQUALITY” GUYS – Part 6


I would like to point out that these are not my opinions and as my blog states these are opinions that are expressed and shared to be understood.

You must ABSOLUTELY ABANDON the idea that you should make women feel “equal”. Women don’t want to be equal with you, and, logically, they are even more repulsed by the idea of you making them “number one”. I know this is all contrary to popular belief, but remember, it was popular beliefs that screwed up most guys in the first place.

NO, NO, NO.

Women desperately want a man who is SUPERIOR to them. Men and women are NOT the same. Nor should they be. Nor do they want to be. Trying to make a woman feel “equal” to you will only make her feel that you are therefore an INFERIOR male.

Does a superior kiss the ass of an inferior? Does a king bow down to his servant?

No!

I’m not saying women want to be your slave, but they DESPISE the idea of being equal. If you show a woman “equal-ness”, she will feel ZERO sexual desire for you. You will be going right against nature and destroying any attraction she can feel for you.

NO MORE “EQUAL-NESS” WITH WOMEN.

TAKE CHARGE- THAT’S WHAT WOMEN WANT.

Over a million years, women evolved to NOT feel attraction for weakness. And, just as men are ruthless in their desire for a sexy looking woman, women are just as ruthless in desire for a man who is DOMINANT with her and with everyone in his life.

TOTAL CONTROL OF HER WORLD

You must wield all the cards in the game; your deck has to be stacked.

SHE MUST KNOW AND FEEL THAT HER ENTIRE WORLD IS YOU.

Her HAPPINESS is the privilege of having you.

Her MISERY stems from NOT having you.

How do you make this clear?

Simple:

First, be THE MAN always. And then, at the first sign of misbehaviour, DROP her. Make it clear, without anger, that you mean it. If you have been THE MAN all along, she will seriously regret what she has done. More importantly, the cause of that regret is the loss of YOU.

Then, when she comes back crying, KISS HER. This will RAISE her spirits tremendously and totally throw her off balance. And you will have clearly given her the lesson and the feeling that both heaven and hell are in your hands alone.

Does that sound cruel?

Well, the alternative is to become a doormat by not being in total control. Women LOVE to turn guys into doormats if ANY opportunity for it exists.

By the same token, women WORSHIP a man who IS in control. They CRAVE such a man, just as a man craves a hot looking woman. As a matter of fact, women are more ruthless in their quest for a dominant man than men are in their quest for a sexy looking woman, because a man typically can have sex with many women, and yet not invest much.

But a woman, by sheer biology and the dynamics of pregnancy, is investing much more in sex than any man, and therefore must be more ruthless in her search for the “right” partner. And the “right partner” for a woman has always meant a MAN, in CONTROL of everything.

It’s a fact, and better you hear it now than never. I once thought women did like “nice” guys. After all, I thought, “God could never have created a world in which those lovely fair creatures called women could actually sexually desire bad guys”.

Well, they don’t like abuse, but they do like “bad guys”.

The Provider – Part 5


I would like to point out that these are not my opinions and as my blog states these are opinions that are expressed and shared to be understood.

There is another disaster that occurs from being a “nice guy”. Specifically, from being a nice guy that BUYS woman things. Here’s what happens when you buy a woman things:

STAGE ONE: A woman will start to treat you like crap.

STAGE TWO: She will demand that you buy her more and more things.

STAGE THREE: She’ll secretly search for a man who turns her on.

This does not make women “evil”. Let me state some facts before I explain my theory of why this happens:

1. Women have depended on men for a million years for food/shelter.

2. These days, money is that link to food and shelter.

3. Of course, women have also always needed men for sperm.

However, throughout all this time, a woman could go to one man for food and shelter, (and grudgingly accept his sperm), and secretly go to another man especially for what she has been genetically programmed to “know” is his superior-gene-carrying sperm.

In other words, a woman could use one man for providing, and secretly have sex with another man she “knows” will give her superior children. (And sometimes, even more rarely, women use more than one man for each purpose. In general though, women do not desire as many partners as men desire.)

Here are the two clinchers:

There is evidence to show that when women have orgasms, they retain more of the sperm inside of them. It is also a fact that most of a male’s sperm is designed not to impregnate, but to destroy other men’s sperm that may be inside a woman.

If women were so faithful, men would never have evolved to the point that their own sperm has become very much a weapon of self-defence used to counter-strike women’s evolved strategies of “cheating”.

Think about it: If a woman mates with a man that she is using just for food and shelter, and if she is not sexually attracted to him, she would not as likely orgasm. Thus, she’d not as likely retain his sperm. She could then secretly have sex with another man she is attracted to, be more likely to orgasm then, and retain this other man’s sperm. This would increase her chances of having his child.

Research indicates that women are actually most likely to cheat at the very time they are most fertile… Evolution’s way of creating superior children, though it often screws up. By the way, I’m not saying that all women cheat, and I’m not stating that women purposely cheat at the time they are most fertile. These processes are not conscious.

Attraction is based on basic on cues of genetic health and superiority, although these cues sometimes are not accurate indications. A person could easily be attracted to someone and have a child, only to find out later that the father/mother is genetically diseased.

Nonetheless, this is what is built into us as instinct.

So, if you start buying things for a woman, especially if you do it right away, you activate a very powerful instinct in her that blares “Not sexy, but worth using.” This happens to her on a subconscious level, which seems subtle, but is actually devastatingly powerful in its effect.

Better to NEVER buy woman things, so at least if she is not interested in you, she will not pretend to be interested in you. You will know where you stand. But if you buy her things, she may pretend to be interested, as she tries to use you for money, since the idea of using men as providers is pretty ingrained.

Don’t you want a woman to desire you in a sexual sense? Then

DON’T make her think you are a provider. Make it clear that ALL you offer is YOU, which is the ULTIMATE pleasure.

Now, I’m not saying all women are bad. And I’m not saying that after going out for a few months, you can’t do something nice or romantic. At that point, it will be clearer that you are not doing these things to win her desire.

I’m just saying how evolution seems to have worked, and that therefore you should use this information to make sure you DON’T trigger the wrong instinct in women. If you want to find out more about this, read

“Sperm Wars”, by Robin Baker, Ph.D.

THE MAN is the ultimate reward for a woman.

He gives her nothing else.